I'm so not good at this.

Ya that whole 30 day blog thing did not work out to well. Sorry.

Just to update all of you on whats going on in our life:

Tanner is working hard everyday and night. He goes to school then to work. He is pre dental at BYU and works at the Temple in laundry at night. He is non stop go go go. If he is not in class he is in a classroom studying. Gosh I love him.

Ava will be 18 months on the 12th. That means its time for nursery! Wow that is so weird. She is so funny. She is always entertaining us.

I am at home with Ava. I am slowly getting my license to become a medical transcriber. I am able to do that from home to be with Ava.

As most of you know we have been trying for our second child. ITS SO FRUSTRATING!!! We arn't just not preventing getting pregnant, we are acctually trying. I calculate the days of when I would be ovulating and we try the most then. Then I have to wait a few weeks before I can take a test. Then of course I'm not pregnant so we have to wait a few moore weeks to try again so on and so on. We have been doing this for 5 months. I know thats not a very long time. For some people it takes years or some people can not have kids at all. Don't get me wrong I am very greatful for Ava and the fact we got prego with her our first try. However it is frustrating when you plan out the month of when you want to have your next but it's not working even 5 months down the road. So now we are in a completely diffrent season than when we wanted #2 to come.

I took a test this morning. When only one line appeared I was so mad I walked out of the bathroom and told Tanner this is the drugstores fault. What they do is somehow when you take the test you automatically become not pregnant, so you would have to keep trying and keep buying moore test. Yup thats what it is. I blame Walgreens.

Have any of you heard the Taylor Swift song "Never grow up" on her new album Speak now. If you have not please You tube it now. The first time I heard the song I could not stop crying. I don't want Ava to grow up. I don't want friends to be mean to her. I don't want her to go through hard teenage years. She IS going to grow up and go through hard times. I need to make sure I am always there. It scares me. It scares me that this cute little girl is going to come home from school one day crying because girls were mean to her. Or when she gets her heart broken.

I was thinking about this the other day. I have never had my heart broken. The only man who has ever had my heart has kept it safe. He is the only man I have ever loved. He is the only man I want to be in Ava's life. What happens when a stupid boy breaks her heart? What am I going to do? What if I don't know what to do because it has never happened to me? Ok its decided she is just never going to grow up. I have made the decision she is going to stay 18 months forever.