I'm not gonna lie, I do not like the way things are going right now. Its tough. Sienna is a very difficult baby. She cries...a lot. It seems like the only time shes not crying is when she is taking a nap but even then its so hard to get her to fall asleep. I'm very emotional...crying a lot. Lucky Tanner. I'm so sick. This pregnancy has been really tough. I thought I was over the "morning sickness" but it just comes back all the time. Its an all day event. I had great pregnancy's with Ava and Sienna so this is all new to me. I'm tired...all time. I don't remember being this tired with the other two. I have no energy which puts me in a depression funk. Tanner has been staying at the school a lot later because he has big tests coming up that he has to study for. He's bummed because he doesn't think he will do well on an Anatomy test on Wednesday. I was a nanny for 3 children but I told the mom I can't do it anymore. Not proud that I did that. We will see when I start feeling better if I'm able to watch them again. Some days are fine, other days I wish I was the little kid. It seemed so easy for my mom. Its weird to me that I am the mom. Do my kids get that same feeling about me as I did about my mom? That "everything is great because I have my mom, the safety net" feeling? I don't know if they do. I miss that feeling. Blah sorry this is so depressing. I know we chose to have 3 kids, 2 years into school and I wouldn't change it but it does come with its hard times.
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I just found this post and my heart is aching for you. You are one of the best mothers I have ever seen and I guarantee you that all of it is worth it. I know how hard this is. I was sick with your husband after having two great pregnancies. Your daughters have the best example they could possibly have. You are a loving, creative, spiritual and most of all, fun mom. This really is just a blink in your life and you will have these wonderful children forever. Hang in there, sweetie, I love and respect you so much:)
ReplyDeletePoor Alana :( Don't doubt yourself so much, you're doing great! Going to school, being a mom, growing a family quickly, and being young are all hard things. Put them together and whoa! Don't feel bad for venting, it's good for you. And seriously don't feel bad for quitting your job. I can't believe you were watching 3 other kids when you have two of your own. Holy busy! Good for you for taking care of yourself and your babies first. Do you know the sex of the baby yet? If your pregnancy is completely opposite then the first two then I'm casting my vote right now for a boy. :) Keep up the good work mama, this wont last forever!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry all that is going on right now! I feel ya on the morning sickness/fatigue thing. Don't feel guilty about getting rest and doing less; you're just trying to take care of yourself and the baby inside you. I'm sure your daughters feel love and security from you.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like Sienna is a high needs baby. My son was too. I highly recommend checking out the link below. Dr. Sears is amazing!
http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/fussy-baby/high-need-baby
Good luck! Praying for you. :)